From what I can tell by the very little research I've glanced at. Gossiping is all about social connection. This makes intuitive since to me. I mean, two people bound together to put down someone else, unify's these two people. It makes it a "them against us" situation and thus strengthens the "us". Bonds become stronger through this agreement. Through this act of raising themselves to a higher level of being than the person they are speaking of. For sure, it is implied that if "she's such a bitch", then we aren't.
And thus by gossiping, you are accomplishing a few things. 1)Teaming with the person or person's you are gossiping with. 2) Declaring that you are better than the person being discussed, at least based on the topic. 3) Declaring that the people you are gossiping with are also better than the person being gossiped about. 4) And therefore creating an atmosphere of negativity regarding that person. 5) And finally a deceleration of general disagreement with that person's behavior/attitude etc.
From what I could tell it seems that scientists these days say how gossip is natural and a part of human survival based on evolutionary principles. For the sake of discussion, we can focus in our discussion on the very meanest of gossip. Let's say that the person being gossiped about did in fact cheat on their boyfriend. And the gossipers go to town. "Did you hear bla bla bla, oh my! she's such a whore... Oh, I agree! I mean, just look at the way she acts!" etc.. Based on evolutionary principles we may say that we are gossiping to spread the word that she sleeps around so that other's do not sleep with her and get an std or something. But we are also affirming the things above. 1) That we are a team 2) That I am not a whore. 3) That you (whom I am gossiping with) are also not a whore. 4) That she is a "whorish" person, indicating all sorts of things that accompany this title. 5) And that we affirm that whoring is bad.
In general, the majority of these points are not all that bad. As many a gossiper will tell you, there is good reason to start the talk. But what I'm concerned with is the venom that grows and grows. It becomes like an unquenchable fire. The agreement builds and builds and the words become more vial and more general. The next thing you know your not just affirming that the behavior is bad, but that the person in every conceivable way, is the embodiment of bad. Never mind that this girl feels horrible about her bad decisions, she is shunned and hated as a vial creature from the depths of hell. And then you have a group of haters, full of hate. And if such gossip continues so does the hate that builds and magnifies.
The consequence? Well, the haters are a more unified group in theory, but often find themselves distrustful of each other, especially if they are gossiping about someone they used to be friends with. You can't help but wonder when you go home if they are also gossiping about you. And often they are. The gossipers often become addicted to gossip. The buzz of excitement surrounding the gossip is so enticing that they find more and more things to gossip about. People become more afraid to be honest with them, even there "close friends" are watching there words for fear of being gossiped about later. Often these friendships based on gossip break up after learning of betrayal.
The damage to the person being gossiped about can be life changing and horrible. People can loose jobs, friendships, partners etc. People can become isolated to the point of self harm or suicide. This is most apparent in the school setting. Were gossip can turn and entire school against one person. Leading to other forms of bullying such as hitting, stealing, degrading them thru social media etc.
Gossip often leads to the person being depressed and having low self esteem. You may hear them say "everyone hates me" or other such language with gossip often being the culprit. There are victims in every social group with consequences ranging from bad to deadly.
What can be done about this? Well, we can vow to never gossip ourselves, that's something. We can walk away when we hear gossip, showing a clear sign that we are not ok with it. We can not repeat rumors. We can think about the positive aspects of someone and speak on that. You may think about God's love for them if you are religious. We can spread the word.
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Have a great day, Christen
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